Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
