I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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