1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
