i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
