I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
The air taste purple.
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