It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
