If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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