Quick, to the slutcave!
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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