I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
