Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Randomize
