So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
