if only i could text you this smell
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Enjoy the penises
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
