I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
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I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
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I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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