i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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