the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
