That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
