Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
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It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
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Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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