i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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