This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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