So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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