Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
