i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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