I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
