My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize