Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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