hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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