trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
