I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
