what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
