Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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