I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
