honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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