As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
