ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
