just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
