I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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