i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
