When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
