Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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