mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
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