Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
