In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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