it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
