dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Is Oprah even human
Randomize
