Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
