Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
