In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
