then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
