i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
