The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
