Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
