The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fill condoms, not promises.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
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