is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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