I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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