I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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