We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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