In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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