I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
