just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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