He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
