if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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