you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
