somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I supernannyed him into submission
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
