Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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