who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I pour the whiskey from now on
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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