You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
