So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
