I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
