you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
