I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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