Jerry, you need to find god
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
