i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
