I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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