Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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