ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
